Monday, February 28, 2005
(told you i was boring today.)
Saturday, February 26, 2005
proof of god
Originally uploaded by sweetmondaygirl.
feel the need to counteract the gloom of the last post. it's been a pretty day here. i dropped off a roll of film at the camera shop, and even though i'm not expecting much from it (had to shoot most of the pictures with a flash, which i hate) it will be fun to pick it up on mondayaftertwo. browsed around king's road bead shop for an hour. it's not my favorite bead place in los angeles as the men who run it are a bit creepy, but they have the prettiest stuff. i couldn't stop staring at the jade beads. they had them in a million different colors that looked good enough to eat and would make splendid earrings. managed to leave having only bought what i need to fix something of mine that i broke a few weeks ago. will go back and buy something for fun at another time. ate two chocolate chip cookies from the batch that my mom sent me. her cookies are still my favorite and i hadn't had any in a long time. found a tiny love note from my high school boyfriend that i'd tucked between the pages of my dictionary years and years ago. that's had me smiling for hours.
Friday, February 25, 2005
I'm fearful that I will get replies from my family members who read this post politely informing me that this IS what being an adult is all about -- the constant choicemaking and shifting around and whatnot. Based on what I know of adulthood thus far, I am suspecting this might be the case. But I hope that someone offers me some hope that it is possible to reach a point where there's a feeling of contentment on at least most of the important levels. Not sure I can handle feeling this upheaved indefinitely.
It doesn't help, I suppose, that I feel rather alone in all of this right now. Major life changes feel like less of an adventure when I've no one to turn to and say: We can do this. It might turn out to be amazing. Off we go.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
We are each the love of someone's life.
The book does a great job of weaving this theme throughout the story, and it's something I've been thinking a lot about.
I have no idea whether or not I believe it's true. But I hope it is.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
In the hours after receiving the letter, I composed a rather brilliant, biting reply in my head that I intended to post here (since the author of the letter politely declined to include his/her name, and didn't even disclose his/her gender, leading A & I to spend several amusing hours trying to figure out whether we should be laughing at a man or a woman, which for some reason seemed relevant), but have since decided that while I won't pretend I'm never willing to stoop to low levels, this is not worth it. This person doesn't know what they're talking about. It's kind of that simple. OF COURSE we would like to charge more money. OF COURSE we'd like to draw in the caliber of clients who are willing to pay several thousand dollars for their wedding images. And we hope to get there in the next year or so. But right now, we can't justify asking people to pay us huge amounts of money when we're still just infants in this industry. I don't think we should have to make apologies for that, and I'm not going to. Bring on the hate letters, darlings!
The thing that gets me, though, is that there are SO many people/issues that deserve to be protested. I could list hundreds off the top of my head. It's strange to me that someone would waste her time (time she obviously has because no one is hiring her to shoot their wedding) writing a nasty letter to two nice girls (can't you tell how nice we are by looking at our site?!) who are just trying to start up a little business. We're utterly harmless. But oh, the venom this person spat.
Happily, we are looking at this as nothing more than something fun to add to our scrap book, a little milestone that makes us feel a bit more like a real business.
P.S. To the person who wrote the letter, you might want to direct your next one at the teachers who were supposed to have taught you grammar. I recommend starting with early elementary and working your way up.
Monday, February 21, 2005
It's been raining here for going on a million days now, everything is constantly damp, and most of the time this is okay with me, some how.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Friday, February 18, 2005
I'm going to listen to my thunderstorm cd while I fall asleep to drown out the sound of the real, less satisfying storm going on outside my window right now.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
The chapter I am working on right now is giving me a really hard time. What do you do when something needs to be told and you can't figure out how to tell it?
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
The single thing I remember today is that one of the things I wanted to write about was forgetting things I wanted to write about.
Luckily (I guess?), the very nature of my creative amnesia makes it difficult to mourn too deeply for what I've forgotten. That's how far gone the words can be within minutes of my having thought of them; There's not even a tiny hint left to remind me of how good they could have been.
Monday, February 14, 2005
The light turns green and you go.
Here is her version. I highly recommend it if you're having a need for something hugely sweet and delightfully portable (I brought my bag to work today).
WHITE CHOCOLATE PARTY MIX
10 oz bag of mini pretzels
5 cups of Cherrios
5 cups of Corn Chex
2 cups of dry roasted peanuts
1 lb of plain m&ms
24 oz of white chocolate chips
3 tablespoons oil
Mix first 5 ingredients in a big bowl. Melt chips and oil in microwave 2 1/2 minutes, then stir and melt another 20 seconds. Pour over dry ingredients. Spread on wax paper and let cool. Break apart and store in airtight container.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Buying My Own Dang Flowers
Originally uploaded by sweetmondaygirl.
... Tomorrow being that special flowery day and all.
And here's where I would say that I don't even wish I had a Valentine, but that would just send everyone who knows me, including myself, into ridiculous peels of laughter.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
* Adding lots of jalapenos to it
* Red Bicyclette merlot - the writing on the back of the bottle alone makes it worth the price
* Finishing The Confessions of Max Tivoli by Andrew Sean Greer, one of the best love stories I've ever read
* Having a fun talk with mom about cameras - can't wait to get my hands on that D70
Friday, February 11, 2005
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
* The little white paper sleeve thing that you put a cookie in when you buy it from the bakery
* Finding out that you'll be getting enough back on your tax return to buy a new camera, providing you don't have another freak car incident the way you have the last two Februaries (knock, knock)
* The perfectly chewy cookie inside the white paper sleeve thing
* Pretty red skirts that flare when spinning
* Chili for dinner so that you can pretend it's winter even though it's sunny and 70 outside
* Thinking about the underappreciated instrument that is the xylophone
* Reading an awesome post (www.burntends.blogspot.com) that reminds you from whom you get your need to write
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Being alone in the larger sense, however, is a different story. I'm utterly awful at dealing with loneliness. It completely paralyzes me, but so do the things that might alleviate the problem. At heart I am profoundly introverted. For most of my life, I've had only a few close friends at any given time. Right now I could count the number of people with whom I feel deeply comfortable on one hand, even if I were to experience horrible frostbite that caused me to lose a couple of fingers. Yes, there is always a larger group of people with whom I enjoy spending time, and who always know, more or less, what is going on in my life, and I theirs. But I'd never call them up and ask if they want to see a movie with me. My shyness would keep me from even considering it.
For the most part, this has worked out okay for me. Whenever I've been far away from those few close people, there were always roommates and co-workers and boyfriends (who themselves would eventually be counted among the close) around to fill in the gaps and fend off the loneliness. I very rarely felt like I was somehow lacking socially, and so I've been able to make it to 26 without having to push myself too terribly far outside of my little world.
Now I suddenly find myself single, living alone, and for the first time in as long as I can remember, really struggling to figure out how to not be lonely in such an all consuming way. I've canceled dinners that would have been fun, I've spent a couple festive holidays at home rather than face a bit of awkwardness to join other people in what they were doing, I've skipped parties... anything that would have caused me to put my toe over the line o' comfort has been avoided at nearly any cost. I simply haven't wanted to make myself feel any more vulnerable than I already do. My awesome friend M, who is one of the very close few, but who lives across the country, has been trying to help me brainstorm ways to get out of this rut. By now she's nearly ready to kill me, I'm certain, because every good suggestion she's given me has sent me further down my little foxhole. Eventually I'll have to come up. I'm shy, not reclusive. But it's going to take some bit of courage that I haven't found yet.
Friday, February 04, 2005
I'm not giving up my yellow umbrella, however. So on rainy days folks will just have to deal with the color bouncing off my white skin, blinding them all silly.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
It's incredibly hard for me to decide an order because every time I've been really moved by any one of these things, I can't imagine, right that second, how any other medium could be as effective as what I'm experiencing. But if I were forced to pick (and I'd be very curious to know what kind of scenario would involve me being FORCED to do such a thing), it would probably be music, then something written, then something from a movie. If I was going just by how many times one type of thing has made me emotional, it would be written stuff, hands down, no question. But whenever I get all worked up about something I've read, I always know exactly what emotion has been evoked. It's very clear to me. Music, on the other hand, quite often has the ability to do something that very few other things can (and right now I can't think of anything at all, but am enjoying trying) which is cause a pure swell of undefined emotion. I dig that.
Anyway. Weigh in, if you'd like.