Friday, July 01, 2005

Anew


, originally uploaded by sweetmondaygirl.

This Wednesday, two of my friends got long-awaited jobs in Chicago. I'm so excited for them that I almost feel as if it is me who will be embarking on the big adventure of moving to a new city and starting a new phase of my career. I'm trying to embrace this borrowed sense of anticipation and renewal, and channel it into my own life. I have a lot on my plate right now, and nearly all of it is stuff that I will have to do on my own, with deadlines I've set and motivation that I've conjured up myself. I'm not very good at this, really, although I've been much worse in the past. I do better when I have someone who is expecting something from me, waiting for me to complete it. I've still yet to fully grasp that it's just as satisfying and important to do things for myself, that in fact, it's crucial for me to feel that way. So much of writing and art must be realized and propelled only by the person creating it. After a certain point, there's very little that outside forces can do for an artist who isn't willing to show up for herself every day.

I am learning, slowly but surely, to be a girl who shows up.

2 comments:

Claire said...

I really hope your friends do well and I'm sure that you will find something that's just right for you!

Anonymous said...

The lessons we learn slowly and surely, are the ones most thoroughly learned, and the ones we benefit the most from. You are doing great!

Grandma