Last Days of School

, originally uploaded by sweetmondaygirl.

Every year around this time, I get a little restless, as though my mind will forever be programmed to anticipate summer vacation, no matter how far my life continues to advance into adulthood.

In many ways, I associate this time of year with a renewed sense of possibility much more than I do January 1st. There's something about the feelings evoked by summer smells, summer foods, summer happenings that make me feel as if something new and exciting must be just around the corner. As a child, and even up until I graduated from college, the source of this anticipation was always quite obvious and much less cluttered a feeling than it is now. It was always pretty clear what was next. Long lemonade days followed by a rush of new things -- new clothes, new teachers, new friendships. I often miss that comforting combination of things that are familiar and safe leading up to a change that is signifant, but non-threatening.

These days, I often struggle with the What Comes Next? of it all. I feel, rather strongly, that there needs to be a Something Coming Next. All around me, friends and family are getting new jobs, getting engaged, getting new homes, getting new couches. And although I wouldn't call my life static by any means, it could use a little push forward, a little oomphf. But I'm also quite fond of my life as it is right now, and I don't want to disrupt the delicate balance. I want new things, better things, more exciting things, but without altering the amazing things I already have.

I'm not entirely sure what to do with this year's restlessness. I wish I could say that a summer break (or at least a mental one) would magically make things clear, steer me where I need to go, but I'm sure it will take more work than that. Life is much trickier to navigate once there's no longer a report card in June bearing the name of who your teacher will be in the fall.