Sunday, February 03, 2008

In thinking more and more about hopefully having a baby in the not too distant future, I realize that I have an underlying fear of never again feeling girlish after I become a mother. On one hand, there is nothing I want to do more. But on the other hand (Hmmm... which hand is it that holds all the bad stuff? And shouldn't the phrase "heavy handed" be about that hand?), I am terrified of it immediately rendering me old and marmish (probably not a word, but so what).

I find myself literally having dreams about high school (which were generally nightmarish years) and I think those are based in some desire to feel like I'm not so far from that place. But - sheesh - I *am* so far from that place.

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